Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity
~Henry David Thoreau ~

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In the last several years or so, every Australian traveller flying to the US with Qantas (or a few other carriers) has been herded into an underground antechamber for 'arrival formalities'. Everyone - first class to cattle, rich and poor, lagged or no - has waited for US Border Control to get their act together and process the queue already.

And without fail, every time, the LED displays above each passport control officer have been stuck on their power-up settings. Presumably, someone installed these for a reason, like displaying 'Welcome to the US' or 'Visitors' or 'Have your passport ready'. You know, something useful.

But no, I have yet to see these LED signs say anything useful. And if you're trapped in a smallish waiting room, without magazines or television to distract your attention, and without a mobile phone signal, with a bunch of cranky people who have just stepped off a 14 hour flight at 7am, you need more.

But, on this last trip, as a public service, I transcribed these sage lessons for the benefits of the viewers at home.

Here is what I learned about the LED System at LA International Airport on April 21, 2008.

introducing a new
state of the art
electronic display
featuring
wireless remote
dazzling color
simple operation
up to 27 characters can be displayed one at a time
(bar|bar|bar) (slot machine demonstration)
welcome
no smoking
(wineglass - a car crashes into it and a stick figure flies through the windscreen. this is my favorite bit)
please don't drink and drive
create your own messages
(fireworks)
thank you

It says a lot about US culture, actually.

(re: Travel)
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You know what ingredient is NOT in a Long Island Iced Tea? Go on, guess.

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The fans in the outfield incur the wrath of the entire Yankee Stadium for breaking the chain of a massive Mexican Wave. Boo!

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It's all a LIE

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We got the painted one! Hopefully I can get some sleep on the LA-NY leg

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Monday morning and the security ain't lax, hon

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Look what the school holidays have come to.

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David

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Someone really has too much time on their hands. The whole campus has been modeled in 3D. Brilliant job!



By the way, the new release of Google Earth is very nice indeed.

(re: Life)
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Heads up, lackwits. Shine a laser on an aircraft and go directly to jail. Get it?

Yes, I'm talking to you, bozo-in-the-northern-suburbs-of-Melbourne, who tried to disrupt the landing of my flight last Sunday night. Tool.

It's astonishing how dumb this practice is. Not only is it dangerous - you can cause a serious accident by distracting a pilot travelling over your own house, but - and I don't know if you understand this - but they can see you, too. You think you're anonymous? I could probably give you the precise address of the person mentioned in paragraph two. You're putting a dirty great 'google maps' pointer over your own house. Not anonymous, not clever.

This is one of those 'Darwin Award' crimes. Hopefully it'll go the way of the dodo.

(re: Travel)
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Caleb and Kirsty take to the floor today together for the first time at the Embassy Ballroom. Choreography ensues.

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UPDATE: great results:

• Juvenile Level 1 New Vogue 1st
  
• Juvenile Level 2 New Vogue 3rd
  
• Juvenile Level 1 Standard 1st
  
• Juvenile Level 2 Standard 2nd
  
• Juvenile Level 2 Latin 1st
  
• Juvenile Open Latin 3rd

(re: Life)
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Previously on BONWAG: Perth's Getting All Techy, Honk If You're Insolvent, Qantas: "Sorry For Sending You To Adelaide", News at Eleven, Ready, Set, Embark, The Eagles Are Not Flying High, 37 Down at Half Time, Do Not Be Annoying The Person, Bonwag's New Life, So? We Knew They Could Dance, and many, many more...

What's Happening Now?

It's currently Sunday, 11-May-2008 05:40:51 WST in beautiful downtown Perth, Australia.